Boarding School Survivors
Counselling for boarding school survivors in St Albans & online
If you were sent away to boarding school as a child, you may have been told you were lucky. In some ways you may have been, but many people carry something from those years that is hard to name, and hard to talk about when everyone assumes it was a privilege.
Some people find that:
- they are fiercely self-reliant and find it hard to ask for help or let people in
- closeness in relationships feels risky, or they swing between holding on and pulling away
- they learned to hide what they feel, and sometimes don’t really know what they feel
- they feel guilty for struggling, given the privilege involved
- they never quite feel they belong, wherever they are
- they cope well on the outside while feeling exhausted or lonely underneath
These are common patterns, not a checklist, and you don't need to recognise all of them. You also don't need to decide whether your school was "bad enough" to deserve therapy.
How I work
I have lived experience of boarding school, and I've done CPD training in working with boarding school survivors.
My couples training was led by Nick Duffell, whose work on the impact of boarding school is widely known. Personally, discovering the impact of losing my home at such a young age was a revelation, and it led me to see my life in a whole new light. That experience has shaped every part of who I am, both professionally and personally. With understanding and awareness have come relief, and with relief, forgiveness.
We'll go at your pace. You don't have to relive anything, or defend your school or your parents. Together we'll notice the patterns you developed to cope, understand where they came from, and see which ones still serve you and which you'd like more choice about.
If your partner went to boarding school, or you are one of a couple trying to understand each other's patterns, I also see couples.
Get in touch
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions about how counselling works, or to arrange a free 15 minute phone or video consultation. This enables us to discuss the reasons you are thinking of coming to counselling, whether it could be helpful for you and whether I am the right therapist to help.
All enquires are usually answered within 24 hours, and all contact is strictly confidential and uses secure phone and email services.
Directories
Sessions
Individual Therapy
Sessions are for a 50 minute ‘hour’ (the remaining ten minutes is so I can reflect and be fully present for each client). My fee is payable by BACs in advance of the session.
Your session is your time. If you arrive late, we'll still finish at the normal time.
Couples Therapy
Session duration is 60 minutes and in some cases 90 minutes. My fee is payable by BACs on the day of the session.
I am not able to conduct the session if only one of the couple attends and if you arrive late, I will still end the session at the normal time.
Guidelines
- If therapy is to be beneficial, it is important that you are available for your weekly sessions on a regular basis.
- I ask for 48 hours' notice if you need to cancel, because your time is held for you. Sessions cancelled with less notice are charged in full.
- Please come to sessions sober, so that our time together is useful.
- I'm not an emergency service. If you need urgent support, please contact your GP or the Samaritans.
Fees
Fees will be reviewed annually.
Individual Therapy
£70 per session
I offer a free 15-minute phone assessment for additional questions if required.
Couples Therapy
£100 per hourly session
I offer a free 15-minute phone/video assessment for additional questions if required.